Adventures in Life: Walking Away

On June 17, 2015, I did something that was very, very hard for me. I turned in my school keys. This may not seem like much, but for me, it was really life altering. As a teacher, usually, you keep your keys. You keep them over the summer. You say you are going to go into your classroom and do all of these cool things (things you probably found on Pinterest). Then, of course, you don't do any of them, less the last two days of summer break when you freak out that you had not stepped foot in your classroom all summer. Not this year. 

This year, I turned in my keys.
And my laptop. 

And boxed everything up to hand over to another teacher. 

This year, I turned everything in so that I could take a year to stay home with my babies. 

At first, the decision to do so was easy. Ever since I was a little girl, had I had the opportunity, I knew I wanted to stay home with my kids. I have such fond memories of being at home with my mom and my brother and sister. I wanted to be able to provide the same for my own kids. And, thankfully, with Aaron's job, we are in a position to enable me to do so. 

As I walked out to the parking lot, it hit me that after fourteen years of teaching, I was literally walking away from it. I was not just walking away from my job, or my occupation, but walking away from my passion. I love teaching. I love decorating my classroom before the first day of school. I love working with my peers, creating new curricula and sharing our successes. I love working with the students. There is nothing like watching a student's face light up when something finally "clicks". Or catching them laughing at one of your really lame jokes. I love almost everything about teaching. Don't get me wrong, there are some aspects of teaching that drive even the best of us to the brink of insanity. But I kind of love that, too. 

I know, it's just a year, but... working in a classroom every day for the last fourteen years (fifteen if you include student teaching) is a part of me. Honestly, who will I be without that? Who will I be without the daily adventures a classroom of students brings? I mean, I like to think that I am a good mom, and that I would do super fun stuff with my little guys, but... what if I don't? What if I become one of those grumpy, cynical, blamey people that I have always felt sorry for? Will I have enough time, energy or gumption to be able to all of the awesome things I want to do? What if I am not cut out to be the stay-at-home-mom I always envisioned myself to be?

For now, I guess I am just left with a lot of unanswered questions. And, I am going to be okay with that. (If you know me, you know how totally hard that is for me!) For now, my goal is to wake up every morning (as late as possible!) and try to be awesome. Some days aren't going to be as awesome as I would like,  I am certain of it. But, for now, I am going to try. I might not have a room full of students waiting for me, but I have a wonderful, loving, supportive husband, and the coolest kid you will ever meet instead. And I think that will be a pretty fun adventure, too.